The folks over at Kroger have hired some crack detectives masquerading as cashiers. One agent in particular (we'll call her Alma) was quick to notice that I had only purchased one jar of tomato sauce instead of the two that the said coupon stipulated. Apparently, this opened up a flood gate for a line of questioning starting with my brand of toilet paper. "I see this coupon is for two double rolls of Charmin." I began fishing through plastic bags in search of the shrink-wrapped ass wipe. From then on I was not a shopper, I was a COUPON CRIMINAL.
Impatient shoppers behind me had become bored with the scandal rags and began to sway from one leg to another. Each piece of carefully clipped paper produced a cold sweat across my forehead as I tried to recall whether I had indeed purchased the right amount of the right product. Luckily, I was only caught with the one misdemeanor and was let off with just a warning.
There is a new sheriff in town, and I have no plans to mess around with her. Her weapon: a scanner. Her mission: to crack down on coupon criminals.